Monday, July 28, 2014

Don't be too quick to say you're sorry

I have a relative who always apologizes at the fast food window--too slow to put her change away, sorry, someone behind her toots the horn, sorry, the guy on the mic can't hear her order, sorry.

I keep asking why are you sorry--it's your turn and the mic should work!

Elizabeth Bernstein, WSJ, July 15, 2014, says when you actually have an argument, saying you're sorry too fast can just paper things over.

Conflict is normal. Saying "sorry" too fast may be a way to avoid it.

So wait to resume or talk--don't do it while one person is still "hot."

Focus on feelings--not the details of the fight.

Never use the word "but" in your apology. "I am sorry...but..."

Realize it may take time to wear off, until both people feel better.

And--this is from me--don't keep on and on apologizing. I am so, so, sorry...Give it up at some point.

Don't worry, another disagreement will come along.

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