Monday, December 8, 2014

If your spouse cheats, then what

Daniel Walter, a clinical psychologist and specialist in sexual and relationships with the Morris Psychological Group in Parsippany, NJ, says marriage is supposed to be permanent, based on trust, fidelity, and mortgages.

Virtually everyone who gets married, expects their spouse to maintain that trust, he says. But, as m any as 40% of married people cheat.

This can be devastating--31% of men and 45% of women blame cheating for marital separation.

The destruction of trust is worse than the physical aspect of cheating. Feelings of hurt, anger, rage--we all know this personally or know someone close who has experienced it--or both.

If you want to stay in the marriage, Walter says:

--The infidelity must stop. Completely.

--You must consider your motives--staying isn't a given. Sometimes the cheated-on mate will blame themselves and stay out of insecurity.  Or people do it for the children's sake. Decide why you want to stay.

--Get help--counseling gives an outside view, things you never thought about.

You can break through the recriminations to a better place--the spouse may be in that better place--or not.

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