Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Ah, romance--maybe we have it all wrong

Too much communication or too little?
Hard to say.
There is a new book out called Great Myths of Intimate Relationships: Dating, Sex and Marriage by Matthew D. Johnson, a psych professor at Binghamton.

He debunks 25 myths we all hold dear. No, he says, love is not intuitive--there is science.

Among the debunked:

--Opposites attract
--Having kids brings couples closer
--Men have a stronger libido than women
--Access to many profiles of partners increases the chances of finding a mate
--Children of opposite-sex couples are better off than kids of same-sex couples
--Premarital counseling can prevent discord
--Good communication is key to a happy relationship
--Men are from Mars, women from Venus
--Couples "matched" by dating service stand a better chance
--Living together before marriage is a good way to tell if you're compatible

Take that last one--living together before marriage. Turns out that's not true--it actually increases the chances of dissatisfaction and divorce down the road. Johnson says this is because often people drift into living together to save money or some reason and then everyone urges them to get married--and voila, not that compatible...

I also agree that opposites do not necessarily attract--at least when it comes to looks. If one party is gorgeous physically and the other is not, it begins to gnaw at the relationship--at least in my estimation.

And you can definitely have too much communication. Constant chatting, oversharing, trivia, and the "we need to talk" thing--buzzkills.

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